Leading Children's Ministry: What I would do if I could do it all over again...

For almost 5 years I had the privilege of serving as children's pastor at Memorial Baptist Church in Tulsa, OK, working primarily with babies through 6th graders, teachers and parents.  In my previous blog I discussed some of the things I had learned and re-learned about church, ministry, family and life over the past several years.  Here now are a few things I feel I would do differently - or do better - if I were given another chance to start over in the same position.  Though I am now pastor of a new church plant, I have the opportunity to put into practice what I've learned in order to continue striving to be who God wants me to be and lead His church to be all He wants her to be.

I would have:

• spent more time with God on a daily basis.  
• spent more time personally on the fundamentals of being a Christian.
• spent less time doing things for God and focused more on being who He wants me to be.
• spent more time planning ministry to my family rather than just planning children's ministry events and programs (and thus neglecting the priority of ministry within my own family).
• taken more time to intentionally develop leaders both as a team and one-on-one.  
• taken more time to build unity, cohesiveness and a shared vision among our leaders so that we would be a more effective team.
• spent more time just getting to know people, hear their story, and listen to them.
• spent more time equipping leaders of all ages, including adults, teens, and children, so they could do what God had planned for them to do.

• more effectively (through being strategic and intentional) enlisted and empowered people to do the work of the ministry that God had for them.
• said thank you more often and communicated it more often.
• provided more opportunities for different generations in our church to get to know each other; provided opportunities for the older people to invest even more in the children of our church.
• celebrated more often, especially in the little things.
• found ways to have more fun and experience God's joy in being the church and doing ministry as the bride of Christ!
• been intentional in equipping parents for the task and privilege of training their children in all aspects of life, but most importantly, their children's spiritual growth.
• studied more and worked harder at knowing God and understanding His Word in order to better communicate to children who He is, what His Word says, and what He wants us to do.
• shared with more people who Jesus is, what He's done in my life, and how others can know Him too.

For more on my growing pains, check out What I've Learned Over the Last 4 1/2 Years!

What I've Learned Over the Last 4 1/2+ Years

Since January of 2007 I have served as children's pastor of Memorial Baptist Church in my hometown of Tulsa, Oklahoma.  I will be leaving there at the end of this month to start a new chapter in life as planter and pastor of Vintage Faith Church in the south Tulsa/Bixby area.

As this chapter is about to close, I have much to reflect on.  I've done a lot of wondering, thinking, and praying.  Wondering what I could have done differently to make a bigger impact in people's lives, thinking of how blessed I've been through all that I've done and been a part of, and praying for God to continue doing His will among the people of Memorial...Also Praying for God to work in and through those in leadership that I leave behind, thanking God for each one of them and the ministry God has given them.

Several weeks ago I began jotting down some thoughts about what I've learned (or sometimes re-learned) over the last several years in ministry.  I shared a few of these during a Bible study at Memorial earlier this month, but wanted to pass them on here, praying that God might use what I've learned to help others.  So, here it goes, in no particular order (and there's at least a story or two behind each of them!):

• We need each other.  God saw that Adam was alone and made helper for him, so why do we think we can do "life" and "church" on our own?  People may say it's "just them and God", but Christians need each other.  And those who don't know God need us to love them too.  And we need those who don't know God so that we will be reminded about what being a Christian is all about - so that we will live out our faith, pointing others to Christ.  
• Don't give up on others based on circumstances or appearances.  Too often I have failed to see others from God's perspective.  One's future should not be determined by outer appearances, what's going in their lives, or how others perceive their abilities or potential.
• Preschool ministry is a huge task.  Leading it is no small calling.  Working with preschoolers and kids is a great responsibility but also one of the most rewarding and best places to serve in ministry!
• Appropriate and effective communication are essential - especially with those you lead and/or parent.  Ineffective communication, in my opinion, might just do more harm than no communication at all. 
• All Christ-followers are ministers.  Ministry is not just a job for the church staff, the "professionals," or those who have been to Bible school or seminary.
• Kids who are Christians are ministers too.  The church doesn't have to wait until a child is a certain age for a kid to be able to minister to others.  
• Discipleship is simply leading people to the next place in their spiritual walk with Christ.
• Relationship is the pipleline for discipleship - both in and outside the home (family).  Without healthy relationships, disipleship won't happen as effectively or it won't happen at all. 
• Even though you don't know someone at all or know them well, you can - and should - still be a part of the discipleship process in their life.
• "Winning" or being "successful" at Christianity or doing church isn't about the "Bs" - buildings (how big or how nice), budgets (how much we can raise and what we can spend it on), and bottoms (the number of people we can attract or have at our events or programs).  It's about working together as the body of Christ and seeing Him transform lives one by one.  The "Bs" should be utilized wisely to measure our effectiveness and help achieve our goal of advancing the Kingdom of God.
  
• Humility and forgiveness are essential in leadership.
• If a vision really is from God, He will share it with others too.
• If the church and families are going to survive, we must consider every generation and how to minister to each of them.
• Stats show a majority of those in the church will drop out after high school.  However, they're not dropping out only after they graduate.  Many are dropping out as early as elementary school. This has huge implications for the church and how we reach younger generations and their parents.
• Parents are primary in a child's growth and maturity, especially spiritually.   When I've visited various schools, teachers and administrators say what goes on at home has almost everything to do with how a child does in school.  I'd say the same for what goes on in kids' lives at home and how a child does spiritually.
• In disciplining children, be consistent with your words and actions.  Watch out!  Don't make a threat unless you're going to keep it!
• Parents must be unified in how they teach, train, raise, discipline, and disciple their children.  Or else problems will arise and intensify over the years.
• Kids want to be with their parents and need to be with their parents as much as possible.  God gave them to us as our offspring, so why should we pass them on to others to take care of when we have the opportunity to do it ourselves?  In the end, no matter what choices parents make in regard to their children, we are still responsible for how our children are raised.
• Parents need support in raising their kids.  The church, extended family and friends and neighbors who can provide warm, caring leadership, speak truth into the lives of kids, and help support what mom and dad are doing at home and along the road will go far to help raise children who know and love the Lord with all their heart, mind, soul, and strength.
• Leadership is about what's caught more than what's taught.  We can say one thing, but if our actions don't match our words, others just end up doing as we do rather than as we say. 

• It is not natural (it's not God's design) for teens and parents to relationally distance themselves and pull away from one another.  It is natural for teens to become more independent as they mature.  Rebellion, however, is more of a sin problem than a teen problem or a phase teens go through.  Strong relationships during the teen years are crucial for passing on a legacy to the next generation. 
• If you you aim at nothing, you'll hit it every time.  If you don't have goals set, you'll successfully achieve nothing every time.
• Evaluation is essential in order to not repeat the same mistakes again and again and again...
• It's much better to learn from others' mistakes than to waste time and experience them yourself.
• Kids and teens thrive when they have boundaries, security, warm relationships, trust, and tough love.
• On prayer:  We often spend too much time doing things for God and then asking Him to bless our efforts rather than going to Him first and asking Him what He would have us do so that we might join Him in the work He is already doing.   
• For revival to happen in America, we need to stop praying blanket prayers for revival and be serious with God and ask Him to change our hearts first, even if revival comes to no one else except the one who asks for it personally.  
• We must be about doing whatever it takes to see that more people come to know Christ and follow Him with all they are!  Christians must do away with personal preferences and what's comfortable in order to see more people know Christ!
• Life is too short to live aimlessly, without purpose, and wondering what might have been if we'd had enough faith to step out and obey God with everything. 

Be on the lookout for my next blog: What I would do if I could do it all over again...

Busyness: One of the Church's Greatest Threats to Discipleship

I must do this! I must do that! They need help here! I must help there! Ever found yourself acting upon such thoughts, saying yes to one more thing for you or your loved ones to be a part of? Extracurricular activities, community involvement, church leadership opportunities, church programs and activities, work projects, and more are out there for us to be a part of. And many of them are good - even great and godly - things to be involved in. But are being involved in so many things really helping us becoming more Christlike? Are they helping us to help others be more Christlike? I dare say in most instances they are not.

Here are a few results of busyness:

• Decreased productivity and effectiveness.
• Worrying and forgetfulness.
• Lack of sleep and rest.
• Increased stress and potential for health problems.
• Pride and bragging about being so busy.
• Wanting others to feel "sorry" for him/her because he/she is so busy.
• Little time to truly enjoy the activities one is involved in.
• Little or no time to get to know others in the activities one is involved in.
• Inability to be free to be used by God as He brings people and ministry opportunities in one's path.
• Busyness (especially in the church) can become equated with godliness.

Being a Christian, or a disciple of Jesus Christ means that we follow Him. Following Him means we must only have on our calendars and in our lives those things which Jesus approves of and leads us to do. Simply put, we will live like Jesus did - act like He acted, talk like He talked, and relate to others the way He related to others. Following Jesus also means we will not attempt to live the Christian life on our own. Thus, we need genuine relationships with other believers who can encourage and challenge us. We are also called to encourage and challenge others as we lead them to follow Him (see the Great Commission in Matthew 28:19-20), which we can only do through relationships. Relationship is the pipeline for discipleship. Without relationship, discipleship won't happen.


I believe busyness is one of the church's greatest threats to discipleship. It keeps us from being who God wants us to be. It keeps us from doing exactly what He wants us to do, saying exactly what He wants us to say, and going exactly where He wants us to go. It keeps us from genuine relationships. It keeps us blinded and unable to be free for new opportunities to be used by God.


My challenge is for each of us to examine God's Word, seek the Father's heart, search our own, look at the choices we've made & the things we do, think of the people in our families and those we're around day-to-day, and ask God to help us make choices that would please Him. ...choices that would keep us from busyness so that we might follow Him with all that we are and do a better job of leading others to doing the same.


Choose to let God free you from busyness that you might be more like your Savior and King, Jesus Christ!

This post was originally written for the Memorial Baptist Church weekly e-mail update on November 28, 2011