What I've Learned Over the Last 4 1/2+ Years

Since January of 2007 I have served as children's pastor of Memorial Baptist Church in my hometown of Tulsa, Oklahoma.  I will be leaving there at the end of this month to start a new chapter in life as planter and pastor of Vintage Faith Church in the south Tulsa/Bixby area.

As this chapter is about to close, I have much to reflect on.  I've done a lot of wondering, thinking, and praying.  Wondering what I could have done differently to make a bigger impact in people's lives, thinking of how blessed I've been through all that I've done and been a part of, and praying for God to continue doing His will among the people of Memorial...Also Praying for God to work in and through those in leadership that I leave behind, thanking God for each one of them and the ministry God has given them.

Several weeks ago I began jotting down some thoughts about what I've learned (or sometimes re-learned) over the last several years in ministry.  I shared a few of these during a Bible study at Memorial earlier this month, but wanted to pass them on here, praying that God might use what I've learned to help others.  So, here it goes, in no particular order (and there's at least a story or two behind each of them!):

• We need each other.  God saw that Adam was alone and made helper for him, so why do we think we can do "life" and "church" on our own?  People may say it's "just them and God", but Christians need each other.  And those who don't know God need us to love them too.  And we need those who don't know God so that we will be reminded about what being a Christian is all about - so that we will live out our faith, pointing others to Christ.  
• Don't give up on others based on circumstances or appearances.  Too often I have failed to see others from God's perspective.  One's future should not be determined by outer appearances, what's going in their lives, or how others perceive their abilities or potential.
• Preschool ministry is a huge task.  Leading it is no small calling.  Working with preschoolers and kids is a great responsibility but also one of the most rewarding and best places to serve in ministry!
• Appropriate and effective communication are essential - especially with those you lead and/or parent.  Ineffective communication, in my opinion, might just do more harm than no communication at all. 
• All Christ-followers are ministers.  Ministry is not just a job for the church staff, the "professionals," or those who have been to Bible school or seminary.
• Kids who are Christians are ministers too.  The church doesn't have to wait until a child is a certain age for a kid to be able to minister to others.  
• Discipleship is simply leading people to the next place in their spiritual walk with Christ.
• Relationship is the pipleline for discipleship - both in and outside the home (family).  Without healthy relationships, disipleship won't happen as effectively or it won't happen at all. 
• Even though you don't know someone at all or know them well, you can - and should - still be a part of the discipleship process in their life.
• "Winning" or being "successful" at Christianity or doing church isn't about the "Bs" - buildings (how big or how nice), budgets (how much we can raise and what we can spend it on), and bottoms (the number of people we can attract or have at our events or programs).  It's about working together as the body of Christ and seeing Him transform lives one by one.  The "Bs" should be utilized wisely to measure our effectiveness and help achieve our goal of advancing the Kingdom of God.
  
• Humility and forgiveness are essential in leadership.
• If a vision really is from God, He will share it with others too.
• If the church and families are going to survive, we must consider every generation and how to minister to each of them.
• Stats show a majority of those in the church will drop out after high school.  However, they're not dropping out only after they graduate.  Many are dropping out as early as elementary school. This has huge implications for the church and how we reach younger generations and their parents.
• Parents are primary in a child's growth and maturity, especially spiritually.   When I've visited various schools, teachers and administrators say what goes on at home has almost everything to do with how a child does in school.  I'd say the same for what goes on in kids' lives at home and how a child does spiritually.
• In disciplining children, be consistent with your words and actions.  Watch out!  Don't make a threat unless you're going to keep it!
• Parents must be unified in how they teach, train, raise, discipline, and disciple their children.  Or else problems will arise and intensify over the years.
• Kids want to be with their parents and need to be with their parents as much as possible.  God gave them to us as our offspring, so why should we pass them on to others to take care of when we have the opportunity to do it ourselves?  In the end, no matter what choices parents make in regard to their children, we are still responsible for how our children are raised.
• Parents need support in raising their kids.  The church, extended family and friends and neighbors who can provide warm, caring leadership, speak truth into the lives of kids, and help support what mom and dad are doing at home and along the road will go far to help raise children who know and love the Lord with all their heart, mind, soul, and strength.
• Leadership is about what's caught more than what's taught.  We can say one thing, but if our actions don't match our words, others just end up doing as we do rather than as we say. 

• It is not natural (it's not God's design) for teens and parents to relationally distance themselves and pull away from one another.  It is natural for teens to become more independent as they mature.  Rebellion, however, is more of a sin problem than a teen problem or a phase teens go through.  Strong relationships during the teen years are crucial for passing on a legacy to the next generation. 
• If you you aim at nothing, you'll hit it every time.  If you don't have goals set, you'll successfully achieve nothing every time.
• Evaluation is essential in order to not repeat the same mistakes again and again and again...
• It's much better to learn from others' mistakes than to waste time and experience them yourself.
• Kids and teens thrive when they have boundaries, security, warm relationships, trust, and tough love.
• On prayer:  We often spend too much time doing things for God and then asking Him to bless our efforts rather than going to Him first and asking Him what He would have us do so that we might join Him in the work He is already doing.   
• For revival to happen in America, we need to stop praying blanket prayers for revival and be serious with God and ask Him to change our hearts first, even if revival comes to no one else except the one who asks for it personally.  
• We must be about doing whatever it takes to see that more people come to know Christ and follow Him with all they are!  Christians must do away with personal preferences and what's comfortable in order to see more people know Christ!
• Life is too short to live aimlessly, without purpose, and wondering what might have been if we'd had enough faith to step out and obey God with everything. 

Be on the lookout for my next blog: What I would do if I could do it all over again...